It's been so long, now I want to go home.

Sorry for the blog failure! I haven't written in such a long time. I would say that I've been busy, but that's only half true. Since I have finished working, I have been trying to fill my days with productive things to do (and some days, I haven't).

Probably the real reason that I haven't blogged in a while is that I don't really know what to say. It's the end. So I have a lot to reflect on. And I guess I am still undecided about a lot of things.

I also haven't written at the risk of sounding too wishy-washy. For the last couple of weeks, I have had moments of sheer excitement at the thought of going home, and immediately following, I wish I that I never had to leave.

But for about the last week, I can definitively say that I am ready to go. My bags still aren't packed. But my mind is ready. Most of my friends have already gone, so it's been rather lonely here. I looked forward to Corpus Christi for so long -- the biggest festival in Toledo. But without all of my people, it just wasn't the same. Sadness!

I have only three more days, and I am getting pumped. I just can't wait to see my family and friends, to be in America, to drive my car, to eat a hamburger, drink a mountain dew, and have air conditioning in my house. The Spanish life is great, but American life is so comfortable. And I just want to be comfortable!

the memoria

So, last week I had to write a memoria about my year in the insti.
The rules? 1. It must be between 1-3 pages. 2. Write about anything you think is relevant.

Well, that leaves things pretty wide open, I suppose. I thought about it for a while. I didn't know what to write at first. I mean, I had a good year, but it wasn't perfect. I didn't want to write anything that would offend my coworkers, but I wanted to be honest with them. I am hoping that I achieved that. I would have liked to have said more, but you know me. I waited until the night before, and at 3am, when I already had enough written, I decided it just wasn't worth it.

Anyway, if you speak read Spanish, you can go ahead and echar un vistazo, and let me know what you think. If you don't read Spanish, I suppose you'll just have to copy and paste this into Google translator. But I can't promise that it will be anything similar to what I wanted to say.

Here goes.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Este curso ha sido mi primer año como auxiliar de conversación, y me alegra decir que he pasado una experiencia muy agradable. Mi tarea ha sido apoyar a los profesores en el aula, practicar inglés con los alumnos del instituto, y compartir mi propia cultura con todos ellos. Además de esto, también he aprendido mucho del idioma y la cultura española, y ha sido una experiencia muy útil para el futuro. He decidido que el que año que viene voy a volver a otra región de España como auxiliar de conversación y aunque este año ha sido agradable, ahora tengo una mejor idea de lo que me pide el centro, y estoy pensando en algunas técnicas útiles para asegurarme que el año que viene sea incluso mejor.

Al principio de este año vine con poca idea de mi papel en el centro. Había hablado con varios auxiliares que habían estado aquí el año pasado para preguntar sobre qué rol habían tenido en sus centros, y casi todos me contaron algo diferente. Algunos, que los centros les pedían mucho trabajo, querían que los auxiliares planearan las lecciones y juegos para el aula, y a otros les pedían menos, que solo vinieran a clase y estuvieran disponibles para responder a cualquier pregunta que los profesores tuvieran. Una de las ventajas de este programa es que los profesores tienen mucha libertad para usar a los auxiliares como les parece más útil. Pero el desafío es que muchos auxiliares sienten que no tienen un papel fijo, se sienten inútiles, o a veces, son una carga para los profesores. Creo que la experiencia sería mejor para ambos si los auxiliares y los profesores tuvieran una reunión en las primeras semanas del curso para discutir el papel del auxiliar. Si algún profesor quiere que haga más, bien, pero mejor que el auxiliar lo sepa y que tenga bastante tiempo para prepararse.

Muchas veces este año me he sentido mal informada de los planes de los profesores. Con la mayoría supe lo que íbamos a hacer cinco minutos antes de las clases. Ya que los profesores no me necesitaban lo suficiente, aparte de interactuar en el aula, no he tenido que preparar nada en casa. Sin embargo, siempre sentí que habría podido ser más útil en el aula si me hubieran hecho saber los planes con anterioridad. Siempre he estado dispuesta a ofrecer ayuda, pero puede ser que no les he hecho saber que quería hacer más. El año que viene, diré a los profesores al principio del año que me gustaría estar más involucrada, y les comentaré que estoy dispuesta a ayudarles con cualquier duda que tengan.

Una de las mejores cosas de este año ha sido el “English Club”. Consistía en quedar con algunos alumnos durante el recreo una vez a la semana para conversar en inglés. Los alumnos que han venido han sido los que más les interesaba el inglés y los que querían hablar conmigo. Me ha gustado mucho el “English Club” porque he tenido más responsabilidad para seleccionar el tema, y los alumnos han tenido la libertad de hacer cualquier pregunta que quisieran. Los alumnos del “English Club” y yo hemos creado una buena relación y he disfrutado mucho con ellos. Para el año que viene, pensaría en hacer lo mismo con los profesores. Había bastantes educadores en el centro que hablaban inglés, pero nunca hemos tenido la oportunidad de practicarlo. Un “English Club” para los profesores sería una buena práctica para ellos y además me haría sentir más integrada en el centro.

Otra mejora que me gustaría hacer para el año que viene es conocer mejor a los alumnos. Quiero saber más de ellos y hablar de sus vidas y las cosas que les importan. Me parece que he sido demasiado tímida en este centro, y el año que viene, me gustaría abrirme más a los profesores y a los alumnos. Aunque estaré trabajando con las Secciones Europeas, quiero que todos los profesores sepan que estoy disponible para ayudar a todos los que me necesiten. Quiero participar más en las actividades del centro y ser mejor informada de lo que está pasando.

Este año ha sido una experiencia inolvidable. Conocí a buena gente, aprendí mucho, y disfruté del año en este instituto. Sin embargo, es importante aprender de ello y reflexionar en lo que puedo hacer para que el año que viene sea una experiencia aún mejor.

Moving on. (in the nicest way possible)

I am fully aware that I am a victim of nostalgia. I tend to remember things about the past with much more fondness than I actually felt during an experience. Nostalgia can be a good thing, I think.... sometimes. But never have I noticed it so strongly as right now.

Last Friday was my last day at the instituto. I had conflicting feelings all week. I didn't know how I would feel on my last day. I guess, for most of the year, I never really felt like a part of the school. And most days, I felt rather useless. So I wasn't expecting to feel very emotional on my last day. I mean, I had a great year, and everybody there was super nice. But I didn't feel an overwhelming fondness of it...

...Until my last day. The students were all really sweet. I was actually speaking to them in Spanish, so it felt like we had more of a connection that day than we had had all year long. They wrote me letters, took pictures with me, asked me to write them notes, brought popcorn and chips for a party, and told me a hundred times "NO TE VAYAS!!". They decorated the board to tell me how much they loved me. It was really sweet.

The chalkboard, full of sweet messages.

 
The teachers also brought in a ton of food -- the typical Spanish fare: olives, ham, tostadas, chips, fanta, and those olive/onion/pepper things in vinegar. It was sweet (the sentiment, I mean, not the vinegar). I was not expecting anything of the sort! They also bought a book for me, about Toledo, and they signed little messages for me in the back. It was cute.

With a handful of the profesores, and the lovely Spanish spread.

So, of course, on the last day, I felt all kinds of special. All of the students were asking if I would come back to visit them before I go back to the US, or if I would come back to visit next year. The teachers were asking as well. They invited me to the end of year dinner. And I felt like I wanted to do all of those things. I wanted to go back to visit. I wondered what it would be like if I had chosen to come back to the same school next year.

Then a whole week came and went. And, to be completely honest, I don't miss it. I don't miss going in to school, or sitting in the teachers' lounge with nothing to do. I'm rather fond of having the whole day to myself. I am still thinking about going back for a visit, or meeting a few teachers for coffee before I go. But I don't miss going to school. And so, in the grand scheme of things, I'm glad that I've chosen to go somewhere new. I'm ready for a new city, a new school, a new year, new adventures. (But that raises the point that sometimes "the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.")

The moral of the story is that emotions and nostalgia in one moment can change the way you think about a whole year of life. I'm still trying to work this year out in my mind. It was good. It was bad. It was short. It was long. It was fun. It was boring. And now I have to decide how I am going to remember it all. (And I'm mostly leaning toward the good, short, fun parts.)

I hope this post doesn't come across the wrong way... I really did have a great year. I just don't want to fool myself into believing it was better than it was. I want to be realistic. And despite the fact that I am no where near ready to leave Toledo yet, I am pretty sure I'm just about ready to move on.

I'm older than I've ever been, and now I'm even older.

So, I'm 24 now. So. Old. (depending on who you ask)
Pretty much, there is no better way that I could have celebrated my birthday. I had a bunch of friends come over for a potluck style dinner. The most important requirement was that they wear a moustache. We had dinner at my place, hung out for a while, then went out to one of the bars around here.

We made it our goal that night to draw as many moustaches as possible on other people at the bar.
Among all of us, I think we scored an 8.5--- 4 moustaches (1 point each), one moustache drawn on a finger (.5 points), and 2 unibrows (2 points each).

They may all have hated themselves in the morning when they found out that the marker wasn't exactly easy to wash off. (We were equally surprised, if that's any consolation.)

And now, a few photos, to give you some small clue about how much fun we really did have.

my roommates -- minus one

one half of the party

haha, in Picaro

some of our willing participants

The next day (my actual birthday) was spent eating all of the leftovers, drinking wine by the river, and working on our tans. I love this life.

I must say, 23 was a pretty great year for me. Here's to hoping that 24 is just as full of friends, adventures, and happy days. Thanks to everybody who made my 23rd year a great one!

A Life Changing Experience

So, yesterday was just your typical Friday. I went to school, came home, had lunch.... and then my life changed.

My birthday is this weekend, so we're having a little party at my house today. That, of course, involves grocery shopping in a major way. I'm not sure whether or not I've shared the whole grocery shopping process with you or not... but it involves a bus ride to Mercadona, and a long and laborious trip back home, loaded down with bags and bags of groceries. I'm sure we look like fools when we do this... and we do this rather often.

When grocery shopping this way, we usually have to think about things in the following manner: 1. how heavy is it? 2. do I really need it? 3. can I carry it back without squishing it?  -- and this next problem could inspire a whole new topic of conversation -- but, 4. will it fit in the refrigerator? Aside from these trips to Mercadona, smaller, supplemental shopping trips are often required during the week. Things like juice, milk, and bottles of Coke Light don't make the cut at the grocery store. They are way too heavy to carry along with the rest of the groceries. It's much easier to carry them home from a chino, or from the little grocery store that we have here in el casco.

Our big shopping trips usually happen about once a week. We can only carry about a week's worth of groceries while simultaneously ensuring that our limbs don't completely lose circulation and that we don't pull anything serious.

But yesterday, that all changed.

Knowing that I would have to buy lots of food and several bottles of beverages for this party, Bailey and I decided yesterday to just eat the cost of having our groceries shipped to our house. Yes. That has always been an option. For €4,21 you can have all of your goods brought straight to your home. And no, we had never done it before yesterday.

Between the two of us, we went to Mercadona, got a normal size shopping cart, overloaded it with every heavy object you could imagine -- bottles, cans, boxes of milk, etc. And then we went to the check out line. There was no strategic bag-packing, everything just went back into the cart... and after we had paid, we walked out of there with only 1 bag each, carrying the essential items that we wanted to have right then. We walked back to the bus stop, and headed home without being weighed down by our purchases. Though I have to be honest, it did feel like I was leaving the store, never to see those groceries again.

Until 2 hours later. We got a ring at the doorbell. It was Mercadona! And here they came, with the craziest little invention of a dolly that climbs stairs. With ALL of the food loaded onto it. The man came in, carried our groceries TO THE KITCHEN, and in 5 minutes, was on his way back to Mercadona.

WHAT? IT COULD HAVE BEEN THAT EASY THIS WHOLE TIME????

I only have a few weeks left here now... and in about 2 weeks, I won't have Bailey around to share the delivery cost with me anymore... but wow. My life has been revolutionized. I might still spring for the delivery... it makes life so much less complicated.

I'm going to have to say...
America, I think Spain wins in the grocery delivery department. Until yesterday, I hated grocery shopping here... but now... wow. I can't imagine anything being more easy! (Let's just hope this doesn't mean bigger grocery bills!)

Speak in Espanish....

So I have been feeling relatively incompetent regarding my Spanish lately. For about the last 2 weeks, I have been answering questions (asked in Spanish) with English, conjugating verbs incorrectly, coming to terms with my profound lack of familiarity with the subjunctive, and avoiding writing any form of the language for fear that anybody who reads it will finally realize that I've really just been faking it all along. When people comment or compliment me on my speaking abilities, I politely smile and say thank you, and convince myself that it's all just a grand lie, made up to console me for my pathetic efforts. I had a visit with the foreigner's office this week, which of course, left me with the feeling that I am only about 70% conscious of what is going on in my life.

So that's a little frustrating.

But this has to be the low swing of a vicious cycle.
I promise you that there are other days when I wake up feeling like Spanish could be my native tongue. There are times when it takes every ounce of willpower to respond to my friends and family in English, because everything in me just wants to rattle of the Spanish words instead. There are days when, unconsciously, I hear and understand what is being said on the radio -- without even realizing that I was listening to the radio in the first place. And there are days that, when I'm offered a compliment about my Spanish, I graciously accept it, let it puff my chest out a little, and then I keep right on with the conversation, without even skipping a beat of Castellano.

I was talking today with a coworker -- about next year, about going to Sevilla, and about how this year has been. And she told me that my Spanish has gotten a lot better. "You spoke well when you got here," she said, "but now you speak much faster, and I can tell that you understand better." I told her about my recent falling out with the Spanish language, and that it's difficult for me to notice any improvement. But she assured me that everybody else can tell. Let's hope so.

Honestly, despite my recent frustrations, I would probably have to agree that my Spanish has improved quite a bit. Thinking about vocabulary alone -- I can probably say that my vocabulary has increased by at least one word for each day that I have been here. And that's pretty impressive, I suppose. I've learned new expressions and phrases, and I've picked up more of the pause words, the subtle intonations, and the body language that accompanies the spoken words. And I've gotten better at listening as well. It now takes less effort, and I understand more of what's being said.

And perhaps I will gain confidence in my Spanish one of these days, when I finally respond to my students' requests to "speak in Espanish!!" To this point, they are only speculating that I can speak it, as I've never actually spoken to them in Spanish (this has pros and cons, but that's another topic altogether). Rumor has it, though, that I've been speaking to other professors in Spanish, and that, in my moments of weakness, I've let some words slip (that have since been ringing through the hallways as proof that I'm hiding something)! And who knows, maybe next week I'll finally let them in on that secret. When I do, I hope it blows them away. The only downside to this is that, if I do speak to them in Spanish, I'll have to make sure that I don't mess up -- middle schoolers can be brutal. This could be the make-or-break moment for me!

Let's hope that tomorrow is one of those blessed days where the Spanish flows freely. It makes everything here a little easier.

RIP TOMS.

So this weekend marks the death of my second pair of TOMS... For good. Their final resting place is in a garbage can, in my cousin's apartment, in France.

I was really torn about whether or not to throw them away. I mean, just look at the pictures -- obviously it was their time. And let's face it -- when you're flying with EasyJet, there's just no room for "extra" luggage. I couldn't rationalize carrying them back with me! But that doesn't mean that it was any less difficult for me to part with them!
These shoes have literally moved me from Pittsburgh to Toledo. They have left their mark in the United States, Spain, Portugal, Ireland, Germany, Hungary, Austria, Switzerland, and France. And they have only had a short life -- a mere 10 months, maximum!

I guess I'll probably just have to get a replacement pair of TOMS this summer. I wonder where the next ones will take me...
Oh, and I suppose this also helps me to feel better about having to find a new pair of shoes. Looks like I may need to take a trip to the mall this weekend... or to Madrid. hmmmmmmmm...

And speaking of sad deaths..... (this one, arguably more important than the one posted above).....
The cotton candy/lemonade guy from Pittsburgh died this week! What a sad day! I mean, Pittsburgh sporting events will just never be the same!
Here is a link to DVE's song about him....
This, of course, makes me miss Pittsburgh and listening to the morning show! But soon enough I'll be there.... and I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to leave Toledo yet... or Spain.