el blog jubilado.

Well, guys...

I hate to do this, but I have to.
Seeing as how I am no longer in Toledo, and I won't be at any point in the foreseeable future, I am going to have to retire this blog.

But the good news is that I have made a new one!
This time around, it's just http://rachaelenglish.blogspot.com.
It's easy to remember. And it doesn't confine me to any one location!

I hope that if you follow this blog, you'll follow my new one, too! I promise it'll be good!

Love and besitos!

Rachael [not] in Toledo.

Is it legal to post to "Rachael in Toledo" if, in fact, I am no longer in Toledo?
Well, being the rule-breaker that I am, I am going to do it anyway. It's about time, right? (Forgive me if this comes across a little Doogie Howser-esque. I am never sure how much personal feeling/life-lessoning to share via blog.)

I've been home for 2 MONTHS now. Yep. TWO MONTHS ... give or take a few days.

And tomorrow marks the ONE MONTH countdown until my flight back to Spain. I get butterflies thinking about it!

Coming home hasn't been all fun and games. Reverse culture shock is a very real evil. You fool yourself into believing that you'll always fit right back in to life where you left it, but that's never the case. Despite your friends telling you that nothing's changed, despite going back to the same job, hanging out with the same people, and going to the same places, it becomes very clear, very quickly, that while you were out living your life, everybody else was busy living theirs, too. And trying to get back into things can be somewhat difficult and disheartening.

I had days where it felt like my whole Toledan life was a dream. Did I really used to just go for hour long walks for no reason? Did I really read that many books sitting in plazas and parks? Was I really that tan? Did I really go out for beers before lunch? Did I really have that much free time, that many good days, that kind of life?

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be fully content. When I'm there, I think about how much I love home and all of my people here. But when I actually am here, I just feel like so much of my spirit is missing. Spanish makes my soul sing, and I'm much more content with the Spanish pace of life.

Something about being in a familiar place seems to squash my curious nature. I need to go new places, meet new people, and learn new things. I like to live my life with a certain spontaneity, a certain inquisitiveness, a certain amount of adventure. I go out hoping to learn more about the world, and in turn, I learn way more about myself.

While I learned a lot about myself during my year in Toledo, I have to admit that coming home is what really made me see it. I went through a mild identity crisis this spring, where I had a hard time reconciling the American me with the Spanish me. At my core, I'm the same person, but in so many ways, the two are so different. For a while there, I couldn't decide who I really was, or what really made me happy. And why did I have to choose?
But coming home has been telling. I know what parts of the American me I want to take back to Spain. And I know what parts of the Spanish me I wish I could live out in America. But for some reason, these qualities and differences are so hard to put into words.

I am really glad that I had the chance to come home this summer. It has been great seeing my family and friends. It was nice to catch up on the life that I missed here. It has been nice to drive, to eat, to speak lots of English (but let's be honest, I did that in Spain, too). Hopefully the next time I come home, I won't try to fit myself into the box of the life-that-was. My goal is to always be moving forward. And to come home and try to regress a year just doesn't make much sense.

Before I go, I'll leave you with this. I read this quote recently that sums up my feelings so well. It's from the book A Year in the World by Frances Mayes. It says:

The need to travel is a mysterious force. A desire to go runs through me equally with an intense desire to stay at home. An equal and opposite thermodynamic principle. When I travel, I think of home and what it means. At home, I'm dreaming of catching trains at night in the gray light of Old Europe, or pushing open shutters to see Florence awaken. The balance just slightly tips in the direction of the airport.

First Impressions of America Upon Reentry

Toilet seat, toilet paper, soap and paper towels in public bathrooms! Everybody is chewing gum! Everybody is wearing workout clothes! Lots of friendly chatter between strangers in airport lines! Everybody complaining that the AC isn't cold enough!

I went out to eat with my family, and I dreaded having to pay a tip. Until the waitress came. Holy crap! She was too sweet! We were as picky as we wanted to be when ordering, we got refills before our drinks were less than half full, anything we asked for came within the minute. Tipping may not be so bad, after all! But they brought the check before we finished eating, and the bus boys were hovering the table before we were ready to go! Take a chill pill, America!

I want to speak Spanish still... which means that my cats, the only living beings in my house who won't get annoyed if I keep speaking Spanish, will probably be bilingual before the end of the summer.

I had the best view of Pittsburgh from the plane. I've never seen the city from an airplane before, so it was like a special treat to look over it, recognize everything, and just be happy to be back. And I was. And I am.

Today and tomorrow will be super busy. I'll be baking cookies with my gram for my cousin's wedding. I still have to find something to wear to the wedding, and I have to see EVERYBODY. But I'm excited for all of it!

It kind of feels like the last 9 months were a dream?

Poco a Poco...

Poco a poco ... that's how things are getting done. Little by little.

I've been in my room for most of the day, packing my bags, weighing them, repacking, reweighing, throwing some things away, repacking again, and reweighing again, to make sure that everything's just right. But it's not. At least not yet. I still have about 15 hours to work on it though.

Poco a poco. That's how it all started, isn't it? Little by little you get used to things in a new city. You develop a routine. You make friends. You get comfortable. And poco a poco, you take everything down from the paredes. You put everything in your maleta. You say good by to amigos. You tie up your loose ends.

Toledo has been good to me. I have loved my life here. But I am also really excited to be going home for the summer, and to be moving back to Sevilla next year. I am saying goodbye to Toledo with my chin up. I know I'll be back to visit (After all, I am leaving some of my junk here.)

In about 15 and a half hours I'll be walking out of my piso (as it is known as mine) for the last time. Kind of crazy to think about!

See you soon, Pittsburgh!

Going Home Playlist

In the last couple of weeks, I have compiled quite a playlist of songs about home. Some of these songs are obvious. Others, not so much. Some are really songs about going home, with titles such as "Home" and "Coming Home", etc. Others are about America. The order is somewhat random, but kind of follows the pattern of my year -- songs about leaving, songs about missing, songs about coming home, and songs about finding home.

I made this playlist in iTunes, I've been giving it a listen every now and then, and I fully plan on listening to this thing on the plane ride home.

Feel free to make a similar playlist. And if you don't know some of these songs, I'd suggest searching for them on youtube, because most of them are legitimately decent songs! (I've mostly tried to stay within my own musical tastes for this list.)
If you have any other suggestions, I welcome them, as well!

Enjoy!

1. American Girl - Tom Petty
2. 500 Miles - Rosanne Cash
3. Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie
4. Much Farther to go - Rosie Thomas
5. Come Home - Bess Rogers
6. Homeward Bound - Simon and Garfunkel
7. Heading Home - Donovan Frankenreiter
8. Come on Home - Franz Ferdinand
9. Come Back Home - Two Door Cinema Club
10. (I Want To) Come Home - Paul McCartney
11. On My Way Back Home - Band of Horses
12. Comin' Home Baby - Michael Buble
13. Mama, I'm Coming Home - Ozzy Osbourne
14. Coming Home - P Diddy
15. Love Vigilantes - Iron and Wine
16. Home - Michael Buble
17. Home - Daughtry
18. Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
19. America - Simon and Garfunkel
20. Pink Houses - John Cougar Mellencamp
21. Party in the USA - Miley Cyrus
22. American Honey - Lady Antebellum
23. This is Home - Switchfoot

I wanted to make one of those cool mixpod things, but it wasn't worth all of the trouble. Half of those videos don't work anyway. But there you go! Enjoy the list! I know I will!

PS. Here is a song that I can't download yet -- therefore, it is not on the list, but it is very applicable and awesome, and by one of my favorite singers. So enjoy this song too!

It's been so long, now I want to go home.

Sorry for the blog failure! I haven't written in such a long time. I would say that I've been busy, but that's only half true. Since I have finished working, I have been trying to fill my days with productive things to do (and some days, I haven't).

Probably the real reason that I haven't blogged in a while is that I don't really know what to say. It's the end. So I have a lot to reflect on. And I guess I am still undecided about a lot of things.

I also haven't written at the risk of sounding too wishy-washy. For the last couple of weeks, I have had moments of sheer excitement at the thought of going home, and immediately following, I wish I that I never had to leave.

But for about the last week, I can definitively say that I am ready to go. My bags still aren't packed. But my mind is ready. Most of my friends have already gone, so it's been rather lonely here. I looked forward to Corpus Christi for so long -- the biggest festival in Toledo. But without all of my people, it just wasn't the same. Sadness!

I have only three more days, and I am getting pumped. I just can't wait to see my family and friends, to be in America, to drive my car, to eat a hamburger, drink a mountain dew, and have air conditioning in my house. The Spanish life is great, but American life is so comfortable. And I just want to be comfortable!

the memoria

So, last week I had to write a memoria about my year in the insti.
The rules? 1. It must be between 1-3 pages. 2. Write about anything you think is relevant.

Well, that leaves things pretty wide open, I suppose. I thought about it for a while. I didn't know what to write at first. I mean, I had a good year, but it wasn't perfect. I didn't want to write anything that would offend my coworkers, but I wanted to be honest with them. I am hoping that I achieved that. I would have liked to have said more, but you know me. I waited until the night before, and at 3am, when I already had enough written, I decided it just wasn't worth it.

Anyway, if you speak read Spanish, you can go ahead and echar un vistazo, and let me know what you think. If you don't read Spanish, I suppose you'll just have to copy and paste this into Google translator. But I can't promise that it will be anything similar to what I wanted to say.

Here goes.


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Este curso ha sido mi primer año como auxiliar de conversación, y me alegra decir que he pasado una experiencia muy agradable. Mi tarea ha sido apoyar a los profesores en el aula, practicar inglés con los alumnos del instituto, y compartir mi propia cultura con todos ellos. Además de esto, también he aprendido mucho del idioma y la cultura española, y ha sido una experiencia muy útil para el futuro. He decidido que el que año que viene voy a volver a otra región de España como auxiliar de conversación y aunque este año ha sido agradable, ahora tengo una mejor idea de lo que me pide el centro, y estoy pensando en algunas técnicas útiles para asegurarme que el año que viene sea incluso mejor.

Al principio de este año vine con poca idea de mi papel en el centro. Había hablado con varios auxiliares que habían estado aquí el año pasado para preguntar sobre qué rol habían tenido en sus centros, y casi todos me contaron algo diferente. Algunos, que los centros les pedían mucho trabajo, querían que los auxiliares planearan las lecciones y juegos para el aula, y a otros les pedían menos, que solo vinieran a clase y estuvieran disponibles para responder a cualquier pregunta que los profesores tuvieran. Una de las ventajas de este programa es que los profesores tienen mucha libertad para usar a los auxiliares como les parece más útil. Pero el desafío es que muchos auxiliares sienten que no tienen un papel fijo, se sienten inútiles, o a veces, son una carga para los profesores. Creo que la experiencia sería mejor para ambos si los auxiliares y los profesores tuvieran una reunión en las primeras semanas del curso para discutir el papel del auxiliar. Si algún profesor quiere que haga más, bien, pero mejor que el auxiliar lo sepa y que tenga bastante tiempo para prepararse.

Muchas veces este año me he sentido mal informada de los planes de los profesores. Con la mayoría supe lo que íbamos a hacer cinco minutos antes de las clases. Ya que los profesores no me necesitaban lo suficiente, aparte de interactuar en el aula, no he tenido que preparar nada en casa. Sin embargo, siempre sentí que habría podido ser más útil en el aula si me hubieran hecho saber los planes con anterioridad. Siempre he estado dispuesta a ofrecer ayuda, pero puede ser que no les he hecho saber que quería hacer más. El año que viene, diré a los profesores al principio del año que me gustaría estar más involucrada, y les comentaré que estoy dispuesta a ayudarles con cualquier duda que tengan.

Una de las mejores cosas de este año ha sido el “English Club”. Consistía en quedar con algunos alumnos durante el recreo una vez a la semana para conversar en inglés. Los alumnos que han venido han sido los que más les interesaba el inglés y los que querían hablar conmigo. Me ha gustado mucho el “English Club” porque he tenido más responsabilidad para seleccionar el tema, y los alumnos han tenido la libertad de hacer cualquier pregunta que quisieran. Los alumnos del “English Club” y yo hemos creado una buena relación y he disfrutado mucho con ellos. Para el año que viene, pensaría en hacer lo mismo con los profesores. Había bastantes educadores en el centro que hablaban inglés, pero nunca hemos tenido la oportunidad de practicarlo. Un “English Club” para los profesores sería una buena práctica para ellos y además me haría sentir más integrada en el centro.

Otra mejora que me gustaría hacer para el año que viene es conocer mejor a los alumnos. Quiero saber más de ellos y hablar de sus vidas y las cosas que les importan. Me parece que he sido demasiado tímida en este centro, y el año que viene, me gustaría abrirme más a los profesores y a los alumnos. Aunque estaré trabajando con las Secciones Europeas, quiero que todos los profesores sepan que estoy disponible para ayudar a todos los que me necesiten. Quiero participar más en las actividades del centro y ser mejor informada de lo que está pasando.

Este año ha sido una experiencia inolvidable. Conocí a buena gente, aprendí mucho, y disfruté del año en este instituto. Sin embargo, es importante aprender de ello y reflexionar en lo que puedo hacer para que el año que viene sea una experiencia aún mejor.